Managing ADHD as a Mom: What Actually Helps Me

I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 34, and looking back, there are so many things about my life that suddenly made a lot more sense.

Then add motherhood to the mix, where someone needs something approximately every 14 seconds. My brain already struggles with distractions, forgotten tasks, and approximately 47 open mental tabs at any given moment. Add kids to the equation, and things can get a little chaotic.

As a mom with ADHD, I often feel like a hamster spinning on a wheel made up of endless tasks and responsibilities. Between managing the house, taking care of my kids, working, and trying to remember everything that needs to happen, I constantly feel like I’m playing catch-up.

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What ADHD Looks Like in My Everyday Life

Let me give you a very real example.

I go to take out the trash because it’s full. There aren’t any extra trash bags at the bottom of the bin, so I open the cabinet where we keep them.

The cabinet is a mess.

I can’t find the bags, so obviously I need to take everything out and reorganize the cabinet.

Eventually I find the trash bags. Great! Except then I decide I also need coffee.

I walk over to the Keurig. It’s out of water.

I take the reservoir to the sink to wash it, but there are dishes in the sink. I start doing the dishes, except the dishwasher is full, so now I’m unloading the dishwasher…

And and and and and.

The cycle just continues on and on and on.

Wait…What Was I Doing Again?

If you have ADHD, there’s a good chance you know exactly what I’m talking about.

It’s not that I’m sitting around doing nothing. Quite the opposite. I can spend an entire day doing things and somehow still look around at the end of it wondering, Wait…what did I actually finish?

That constant feeling of being behind can be so overwhelming. And for me, it has definitely led to plenty of frustration with myself over the years.

When You Add Motherhood to ADHD

Motherhood added another layer to all of this because now I’m not only trying to keep track of my own life.

I’m keeping track of kids, meals, laundry, appointments, groceries, school things, household things, work things, and all of the tiny little tasks that somehow come with keeping a family running.

Over time, I’ve found a few things that genuinely make managing ADHD as a mom easier for me. They’re not perfect systems, and I definitely don’t follow all of them perfectly every day.

They’re just little ways I’ve learned to work with my brain instead of constantly feeling like I’m fighting against it.

Understanding My ADHD Brain

For a long time, I didn’t know I had ADHD.

I just thought I was bad at certain things.

Why couldn’t I keep the house organized when I wanted it organized? Why would I forget something I had literally just reminded myself not to forget? Why could I spend hours completely absorbed in one thing but struggle so much to start another?

Getting diagnosed as an adult gave me context for a lot of things I had spent years being frustrated with myself about. Realizing that this isn’t a character flaw but simply the way my brain works was crucial.

It didn’t magically make those things disappear. I still get distracted. I still start one task and somehow end up doing four completely unrelated things. I still underestimate how long it takes to get everyone out of the house.

Understanding why certain things are harder for me has helped me find systems that actually work with my brain instead of against it. It’s also helped me let go of some of the pressure and guilt I used to put on myself.

Practical ADHD Strategies That Work for Me

Over time, I’ve figured out a few strategies that make everyday life feel a little more manageable. These are the ones I keep coming back to.

I Get Things Out of My Head

If I have to remember something entirely on my own, there is a very real chance it is not happening.

So I write things down.

Appointments. Grocery lists. Things I need to order. Random tasks around the house. Ideas for work. Things I need to bring somewhere. Basically anything my brain tries to tell me, Don’t worry, you’ll remember this later.

No. No, I will not. 😂

Having somewhere outside of my own brain to keep track of everything makes a huge difference.

Having our family’s schedule somewhere visible makes it much easier for me to see what’s coming up instead of trying to mentally keep track of everything.

I genuinely don’t know how I functioned before having a visual family calendar like this.

I Keep My To-Do List Manageable

I love a to-do list.

I also have the unfortunate habit of writing a to-do list that would require approximately 36 hours to complete and then feeling disappointed in myself when I don’t finish it in one day.

So I’ve had to get better about deciding what actually needs to happen.

Sometimes that means asking myself:

What are the few things that would make today feel successful?

Not everything that could possibly be done. Not every project I’ve been meaning to tackle for the last six months.

Just what matters today.

Everything else can stay on the master list.

I Break Big Tasks Into Ridiculously Small Steps

“Clean the house” is not a useful task for my brain.

Neither is “organize the closet.”

They’re too big and vague, which makes them incredibly easy to avoid.

Instead, I try to break bigger projects into very specific steps.

Instead of:

Organize the closet

I’ll write:

• Take everything off the top shelf
• Make a donation pile
• Put shoes back where they belong
• Hang clothes
• Put donation bag in the car

Now I have somewhere to start.

And yes, I absolutely enjoy checking off every tiny step. Sometimes I will even add something I already finished to the list just so I can check it off.

I said what I said. 😂

I Use Timers to Keep Myself From Disappearing Into a Task

Timers are surprisingly helpful for me for two completely opposite reasons.

Sometimes I don’t want to start something because it feels like it’s going to take forever. Setting a timer for 10 or 15 minutes makes it feel much more manageable.

Other times, I have the opposite problem and get so absorbed in something that I completely lose track of time.

A timer helps with that too.

I Try to Give Things a Home

This is one of those things that sounds incredibly obvious until you realize how much easier life is when you don’t have to decide where something goes every single time you use it.

The things we use constantly need an easy, obvious place to live.

Keys.

Shoes.

Backpacks.

Mail.

Kids’ stuff.

My stuff.

If putting something away requires six steps, opening three containers and rearranging a shelf, I’m probably not going to consistently put it there.

The easier I can make the system, the more likely I am to actually use it.

And I try to keep the things I need to remember somewhere I can see them.

Out of sight can very quickly become out of mind for me.

I Let My Kids Help

This one has actually become one of my favorite parts of our routines.

I started involving my son in household tasks when he was little enough that “helping Mommy” still sounded exciting. 😂

Sorting laundry, putting things away, setting the table, picking up toys—little things we can do together.

Does having a child help always make the task faster?

Absolutely not.

Sometimes the opposite.

But it means I’m not always waiting for some magical stretch of uninterrupted time to get things done, because with kids, that stretch of time may never come.

It also turns some of the everyday household stuff into time we’re spending together instead of something I feel like I need to finish before I can be with them.

I Lower the Barrier to Starting

I’ve realized that starting is often the hardest part for me.

So whenever possible, I try to make the first step ridiculously easy.

If I want to clean something, I leave the supplies somewhere accessible.

If there’s something I need to take with me tomorrow, I put it by the door tonight.

If I need to make a phone call, I’ll put the number directly into my to-do list.

If I’m working on something, I’ll sometimes leave the document open so I don’t have to figure out where I left off the next time I sit down.

Tiny things, but they remove one more step between I need to do that and actually doing it.

I Don’t Expect Every Routine to Work Forever

This one has been important for me.

I’ll find a system that works amazingly well and think, THIS IS IT. I have finally figured out my life.

Three weeks later, my brain wants absolutely nothing to do with it.

I’ve learned that doesn’t necessarily mean the system failed.

Sometimes I just need novelty.

Maybe I switch apps. Move my list somewhere else. Change the way I’m organizing something. Try a different routine.

If something that used to work suddenly stops working, I try to adjust it instead of deciding I’ve failed at routines altogether.

The Emotional Side of ADHD and Motherhood

The practical side of managing ADHD is one thing.

The emotional side can be harder.

There have been plenty of days when I’ve looked around at everything I didn’t get done and felt like I should have been able to handle more.

Especially as a mom.

There is already so much pressure around motherhood—keeping the house clean, making meals, remembering appointments, creating memories, being present, staying patient, keeping up with everyone’s needs…

When your brain is also making some of those everyday things harder, it can be very easy to feel like you’re constantly falling behind.

A few things have helped me with that too.

I Pay Attention to What I Did Do

This is another reason I love having my tasks written down.

Because there are days when I genuinely feel like I accomplished nothing.

Then I look at my list and realize…

Oh.

I actually did 14 things.

They just weren’t the giant thing I thought I “should” have finished.

Being able to physically see what I’ve accomplished helps me give myself a little more credit for everything that happens in a day that is otherwise very easy to forget.

Finding Other Women With ADHD Has Helped

There is something very validating about hearing another person describe something you’ve experienced your entire life and realizing…

WAIT. You do that too?!

Sometimes it’s genuinely helpful advice.

Sometimes it’s an ADHD meme that is so painfully specific that I immediately send it to someone.

Either way, finding other women—and especially other moms—with ADHD has made the experience feel much less isolating.

Asking for Help Is Part of the System

I used to think being able to “handle everything” was the goal.

It’s not.

If my husband can take something off my plate, great.

If I can automate something, great.

If I can simplify something, even better.

I don’t need to make every part of our lives more complicated just to prove I can manage it.

Sometimes the best system is simply having less to manage.

Getting Professional Support

I’ve also found therapy helpful for understanding my ADHD and finding strategies that work for me personally.

ADHD can look different from person to person, and what helps me may not be what helps someone else. If you’re struggling with symptoms that are affecting your everyday life, talking with a qualified healthcare professional can be a good place to start.

This post is based on my personal experience with ADHD and motherhood and isn’t intended to replace professional medical advice.

I’m Still Figuring It Out

I wish I could wrap this up by telling you that I now follow all of these systems perfectly, my house is always organized, I never forget appointments and every load of laundry makes it from the washer to the dryer on the first try.

Absolutely not. 😂

I’m still the person who walks into a room and occasionally has no idea why she’s there.

I still start projects before finishing other projects.

I still have days when my brain feels like it has 47 tabs open and I can’t figure out which one is playing music.

But I understand myself a lot better than I used to.

And I’ve stopped expecting the solution to ADHD to be becoming a completely different person.

For me, managing ADHD as a mom has been much more about creating little systems that make everyday life easier, asking for help when I need it, and accepting that some days are simply going to be messier than others.

The goal isn’t to become the perfectly organized mom.

It’s to find what makes life work a little better for you and your family.

And if the trash bag occasionally gets forgotten because you reorganized an entire cabinet instead?

At least the cabinet looks good. 😂

Embracing Imperfection

Motherhood is challenging for everyone, but ADHD adds an extra layer of complexity. By implementing these strategies and embracing self-compassion, I manage my responsibilities more effectively and combat feelings of inadequacy. I remind myself daily that I’m doing an incredible job, and it’s okay to ask for help and take time for myself. Celebrating the unique strengths I bring to my family helps me realize I’m not alone on this journey. We are all in this together, learning and growing every step of the way.

In the end, I’ve learned that it’s about progress, not perfection. And that’s a lesson I want to pass on to my son. We may stumble and face challenges, but together, we can navigate the messiness of life with grace and resilience.

Did this post resonate with you? You might be interested in my other ADHD related content.

Being Diagnosed with ADHD as a Woman in My 30s

Embracing the Chaos of Parenting with ADHD

The Ultimate Gift Guide for Adults with ADHD

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